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Jul. 21st, 2009

dark

Quiz Retakes

What is your element [with pics + detailed answeres]

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Your element is Ice. This element may seem a little odd, but this is a side-effect from when the element of Water gets too hurt. Once you were a content soul, and happy with life. But then something happened. Not necessarily on one day, it probably happened gradually over time. You lost your will to care and became even more reserved from the world. People had hurt you in ways you do not want to remember and now you isolate yourself from them. You have turned into an outsider and probably dress more in black than you used to. Your depression is eating you up and tearing you apart and the worst part is that no one is willing to help, or so it seems. In school you are often by yourself or one single friend and you rarely seem to be truly happy anymore. Your sad, distant eyes and constant frown seems glued to your face and you need a saviour from this world. You may turn to music for understanding and sing/scream along in the lyrics to get rid of some pain. You are not very open about your problems to your family/friends, and wish that they would just notice it and make it go away.



What Type of Person Are You [pictures + detailed results]

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The satisfied - The desireless


Not greedy by nature, the Satisfied knows of what they have achieved and earned, and feels content with that. Materialistic impulses happen rarely, if ever, and they don't value possessions and trends nearly as much as most do. The Satisfied usually have a calm personality and tend to be full of care, whether they are open with it or not. Of course they can be selfish, but their selfless nature proceeds that by far.
Downsides are that the Satisfied may be taken advantage of, in the likes of favours per se. It is in their nature to help, and they can be big push-overs when it's about injustice towards themselves. Also, since they don't want to bother their peers and close ones, they keep most of their problems inside. If this builds up they may start to suffer in silence, a completely unnecessary act.
Because they have a hard time to say no, and since people may use them, with time the Satisfied could grow hateful and distrusting. However, it appears now, that they are not. They reckon that some people are bad news and stay away from them. They stay with their own group of trusted people instead. As the Satisfied's name implies, they don't seem to have any dreams or goals. That is a perception not quite true. As any other human being, they do have them. But the difference is, that the Satisfied are content with their life even if the dream would not come true.
Quote: "It is not length of life, but depth of life." -Ralph Waldo Emerson


Which Warrior Are You (Girls Onlyith!)

 

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You Are Iliza, the Warrior of Protection. You protect all around you.
Your life revolves around protection. You believe that everyone deserves a chance, that every one deserves to live.
You Live, breathe, and will die, for someone who you may never even know. Everyone you save becomes close to you, very close to you.



What are the lyrics of your life(Girls Only)

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Your Lyrics are-Ashley Tisdale-Last Christmas
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
Ill give it to someone
I'll give it to someone special
Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby, do you recognize me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me
Happy Christmas
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I love you", I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now, I know you'd fool me again
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Special
Yea yea
A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you, and your soul of ice
I thought you were someone to rely on
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A friend to discover with a fire in her heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Now I've found a real love, you'll never fool me again
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Ill give it to someone special




Same Quizzes Taken On May 20, 2008Current mood:  optimistic
Category: Quiz/Survey

What is your element [with pics + detailed answeres]

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Your element is Earth. You have your feet on the ground and are in touch with reality. Some may say you need to lighten up, but you are just not that way. It's not that you don't enjoy having fun, you only find it in more calmer activities such as writing or reading a book. But before you have your fun you always make sure your work is done. You are considered the reliable one among your friends, you would never betray anyone just like and are not influenced on peer-pressure. Friends and family can always come to you for guidance because you are wise and smart. You know what is right and what is wrong and you study hard to become something big in the future. The bad side is that your friend/s feel ignored when you spend more time with books and papers rather with them. You are not such a people person and are sometimes a question-mark on how to behave around them at certain times. Luckily it always works out, somehow. Love is not really desired in your world right now, maybe in the future when you've got a work and so on under control. After all, you are a perfectionist.

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What Type of Person Are You [pictures + detailed results]

1142095711_C_satisfied1.JPG
The satisfied - The desireless
 


Not greedy by nature, the Satisfied knows of what they have achieved and earned, and feels content with that. Materialistic impulses happen rarely, if ever, and they don't value possessions and trends nearly as much as most do. The Satisfied usually have a calm personality and tend to be full of care, whether they are open with it or not. Of course they can be selfish, but their selfless nature proceeds that by far.
Downsides are that the Satisfied may be taken advantage of, in the likes of favours per se. It is in their nature to help, and they can be big push-overs when it's about injustice towards themselves. Also, since they don't want to bother their peers and close ones, they keep most of their problems inside. If this builds up they may start to suffer in silence, a completely unnecessary act.
Because they have a hard time to say no, and since people may use them, with time the Satisfied could grow hateful and distrusting. However, it appears now, that they are not. They reckon that some people are bad news and stay away from them. They stay with their own group of trusted people instead. As the Satisfied's name implies, they don't seem to have any dreams or goals. That is a perception not quite true. As any other human being, they do have them. But the difference is, that the Satisfied are content with their life even if the dream would not come true.

Quote: "It is not length of life, but depth of life." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Which Warrior Are You (Girls Onlyith!)

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You Are Jade, the Warrior of Love. You have love in you everywhere you go.
You help with love, you believe in love and anything that can go with it. You love those around you, even with those around you who hate you.

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What are the lyrics of your life(Girls Only)

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Your Lyrics are-Lonestar-T.G.I.F.
Monday was a bummer, Tuesday was another day
They could've left outta the week
Wednesday nearly got me, Thursday all but stopped me
I was broken down and beat
But I started feelin' strong when Friday finally came along
T.G.I.F., you know what that means
Get down to the beach A.S.A.P.
Yeah, there's gonna be a party goin' all weekend
Polynesian Polly and her parrothead friends
Gonna stay until there's not a pina colada left... T.G.I.F
Yeah, there's ain't no stoppin' once the band starts rockin'
With those shaker things and big steel drums
Don't worry half as much about the tide risin' up
As we do 'bout getting low on rum
So bury me in the sand, put a frozen drink in my hand
T.G.I.F., you know what that means
Get down to the beach A.S.A.P.
Yeah, there's gonna be a party goin' all weekend
Polynesian Polly and her parrothead friends
Gonna stay until there's not a pina colada left... T.G.I.F
T.G.I.F., you know what that means
Get down to the beach A.S.A.P.
Yeah, there's gonna be a party goin' all weekend
Five o'clock none stop the fun begins
T.G.I.F., you know what that means
Get down to the beach A.S.A.P.
Yeah, there's gonna be a party goin' all weekend
Polynesian Polly and her parrothead friends
Gonna stay until there's not a pina colada
Stay until there's not a pina colada left... T.G.I.F

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Jun. 16th, 2009

dark

Things Are Looking Up!


So, in march i finally got a job at the north shore inn as a housekeeper. i then moved in with my bf Danny, my ex Devin, and his ex Lael up in twin peaks. i have been looking for a new job as thie one i have does not pay enough (WORD OF ADVICE: never tell your boss you are looking for a new job, esp if u r her favorite. She will give you HELL). i have two possibly promising job opportunities, one at subway, and the other at the theatre that is reopening in crestline! i hope that one of them pans out... My bf is in Lancaster working, making $70 a day six days a week, after taxes and i am so proud of him. we plan on moving out on our own in October or so and i am just thrilled!

Mar. 8th, 2009

dark

Somebody shoot me b4 i kill sumone

as i was beginning to type this the guy i live with, my friend robby, is asleep on the couch snoring his fucking head off when he's supposed to be picking up his mother from her stoner buddy's house. he left the tv on loud with some rediculously fucked up music that is just pissing me off and i am making dinner for him and his mother. granted i haven't made dinner for a long time and it is well past my turn, they didn't even ask. he just picked me up from work and took me shopping for dinner and then asked me when i was going to cook it! i worked my ass off today. i did more rooms at work today than i ever have since i've been working there and they both had the day off as it is sunday.
his mom is upset with me and this is probably my punishment... i went and stayed the night at danny's, the ex boyfriend she said if i ever got back with she was kicking me out, because he was going to be home alone and had a fever of at least 103. from what i'm gathering robby is mad at me too but not talking to me about it and that is pissing me off almost as much as the fact i don't think he has a reason to be upset with me. it's my goddamed life, i can fuck it up if i want to!!! and i wasn't anyways so i'm assuming that he's mad at me for something i didn't even do. and that makes me even more upset... and now he just lied to his mom that he got 'caught up with the tv'  

Dec. 8th, 2008

dark

So much has gone on...

i don't even know where to begin, it's been over a month since  last typed in here. i tried to update a few times but once the comp was overheating, and another time the page wouldn't load. i remember writing out what i needed to say one of those times and i might type it up later. but since then i have gotten foodstamps, i tried to apply for cash aid when i was getting kicked out for not paying rent cuz i lost my job but they wouldn't let me even apply cuz i wasn't pregnant and had no kids. About two weeks ago (the week of thanksgiving) i ended up in the hospital again for 5 and 1/2 days. before i was there i ended up living with my friend Robby cuz i had nowhere else to go, my mom turned my cell phone off, my best friend and boy friend weren't getting along, robby was upset at me, i thought my foodstamps were not going to be replinished, and i was going to run out of my meds in 3 days and had no insurance to get them filled. Danny, my boyfriend, wouldn't come see me for the first few days and by the time i convinced him to i was already out. Robby came on thanksgiving, Doug showed up on the day i got released and Star gave us both a ride home. That night, 2 fridays ago (10 days), Danny asked me if he could ask me a question but i had to answer it right there and i had to promise i would, i never saw it coming but he proposed. i  had been thinking about what i would say if he asked for the few preceding weeks but it still caught me off gaurd. But i answered the way i had planned with an 'of course' and a smile. So now i'm engaged and our friends damien and teri are going to be getting on him about getting me a ring to go with the commitment... Since then i found out that my mom won't talk to me for 30 days and that she won't pay for me to go to college unless i let her controll the stipulations even though she owes me 27,000 dollars toward my college fund plus the interest of the two or three years that she has been borrowing it for. i don't know what she told my grandparents as to why i couldn't come to thanksgiving but i plan on updating them fully, i emailed my grandma today and asked them for their address so i could send them a letter explaining how my mom has raised me to fear them. i think it'll be more personal that way. i don't know what they will think about me thinking about sueing my mom though... i feel kinda bad for Star, she is both my mom's and my friend and i asked her to be my bride's maid. i know i'll be inviting my mom to the wedding even though i'm scared she'll ruin it via email but i doubt she'll know anything about the engagement b4 it unless ppl in the meeting tell her about it.

Oct. 30th, 2008

dark

Single Again

from my myspace:
So my now ex-boyfriend broke up with me this morning... just when i find a way i think i won't leave and follow my habbits. shit man, this rele sucks i don't know what to do. i've tried to sleep all day but my sponsor and my friend robby won't let me. i want to cry but i cried so much last night and the night b4 that the tears wont come. i don't know what to do, i think i already said that. i need to go type in my LJ b/c i don't want everyone to know what's going on right now. Yes, another ace card! FUCK!

Now onto the real stuff.
he said he was breaking up with me so that i wont hurt him later and break up with him, talk about trust issues! i rele love him and tried my best to keep him to no avail. the night b4 last i was crying b/c devin, my last ex b4 danny, came over and wanted to ask me out and i told him i was with danny, i cried b/c i was afraid it would happen again. that i would leave danny after 2 months, i'm glad robby was there cuz he helped me through it, only b/c he was there did i not hurt or kill myself. then last night after i had told danny about what had happened with devin he told me i should go back to devin b/c he, danny, isn't good for me and he would only bring me down. he was drunk and sick, he had two 40s, 5 monsters and a tripple shot expresso from starbucks. i miss him so much that i feel like i don't even want to live w/o him, it's 6:41 and i rele need to get to a meeting but just a few more things b4 i go.... i want him back just as mnuch as i did alex and the same thing took them both from me, i HATE alcohol. i wish it never existed and i now want to cry but i can't, like i said b4. i know that all of this will work it's self out, just like my sponsor said, for the better but i can't see that right now. I't going to be really hard b/c danny still wants to be friends and i will see him at the meeting in 15 minutes but i don't know how i'm going to react. i hope this doesn't go like it did with alex, that was a week of hell and drama that sadly i will never forget but i know that all of this has some sort of a lesson in it for me. ok, gtg NOW. ttyl
 


Oct. 26th, 2008

dark

Ouch

so my boyfriend says he can't practice the native american ways that i follow because it goes against his religion. he is going back to his christian ways now that he is clean and sober. i didn't think that it would affect me this much. i pretty much started crying when he  told me this because i concluded that he's okay with the fact that i'm going to hell, that's what i believe of all christians, and also is why i stoppped believing in catholicism. this is something that is going to be hard for me to handle b/c of my huge resentment against the christian god.

so on wednesday of last week i sprained my right wrist... and now i don't even feel like typing ne more cuz i'm being all emo and want to just go somewhere and die.

Oct. 19th, 2008

dark

Not as Emo

now that i'm back i feel a little better, i tried calling danny but he wasn't home. i'm thinking about going to sobrietycircle.com to the chat room to c if there is a meeting going on. but i need to finish typing this... i'll ust go there and post the conversation, no that's a bad idea cuz everyone talks about other things during the conversation, neways i feel like being antisocial and kinda want to wallow in my own misery. i don't even feel like typing ne more so i guess i'll ttyl
Tags: ,
dark

Still Emo

i don't rele know what's wrong with me, i know what triggered this depressive spell but i can't figure out what is keeping me here. i just wish i could make everyone happy by being happy for them but i can't even fake a believable smile... i'm stuck at my mom's, i came down here to do a pipe ceramony for protection and then found out that i don't get to go home until the red sox game is over, we're in like the 6th inning now and i wanted to go home right after the ceremony was over! i rele wanted to be able to go to a meeting tonight. but, it rele sucks being here after having worked my 4th step cuz i now know that i need to give my mom the respect she diserves as a mother. it's relel irritating.
so i woke up this morning to doug (my dad) saying that he didn't mind devin (my ex) as much as danny (my bf) because he had a job, and danny was lying right next to me, i don't know how much he heard but he got up and went outside to smoke. when i finally joined him he didn't wanna talk about it, he never waqnts to talk... it made me feel unworthy, i try to trust him but that is obviously not recriprocated in our relationship. when we finally went back inside they were still talking shit about how he couldn't move in with me, even though i already knew that and never even considered it. i think the thing that got to me most was when my dad said that danny has been taking advantage of me! i don't wanna hear that kinda shit... then danny was going to leave w/o me, so i went w/ him cuz i had promised the night b4 that i would help him move back in with his gma and gpa. so i went upstairs too tell cat (the girl he had been staying w/) and doug where i was going and got even more pissed off when doug said something along the lines of, "you know he can't stay here" so i just said , "bye doug" and went downstairs to my rooml, got danny and left. during the 15min walk to cat's house danny and i talked about him not opening up and that he pretty much never had and probably never would. after what i did on friday night i'm pretty sure i have negatives in his trust area and i rele wish that hadn't happened. after we got his stuff and got to his gma's i was still okay. i dont know if it was his gma that triggered me or the fact that i found out he had lied to me, that rele hurts. alot. now i'm trying not to cry h/o...
i'm gonna go smoke...
dark

Ketchup?

is that seriously the last entry i wrote?! that was like forever ago. i could have sworn i posted somthing more recent than that... lemmee go to some other sites to get u caught up...
(i have been trying to finish this entry for over a week)
Tue, May 6, 2008 -12:49 PM on tribe.net
I moved out of my mom's house and in with a friend a little over a month ago. Everything was going great, i was cleaning her house instead of paying rent. we set up a chore chart and pretended she was paying me so mnuch an hour to earn rent money and i would work about $300 worth a month to sleep in her kitcchen. i though eveything was going great until two nights ago when she informed me that she was verry angry that i had not been doing my chores. this was news to me! but i didn't say anything because i am living under her roof on her conditions. She even said i was should have been doing things she specifically told me not to do just weeks before and that i should have taken the initiative to do her dirty laundry from the night before. but no one informed me there was any dirty laundry! i try talking to my AA sponsor about it but she doesn't seem to understand, especally considering that she sponsors both of us, my friend for a year longer than me.
then the night after that oone of her daughters went through my stuff and told her about the $200 i have in my bank account. i hadn't been keeping it a secret on purpose, it just never came up. She doesn't believe me when i tell her that i hvae not been using that money for myself and even went so far as to call me a liar! She is angry that i would take advantage of her hospitality and not help her out with the bills. as she said, she took pity on me having no money and now thinks i have been stiffing her. i tried to explain to her that the money i have is for college and i cannot spend it. Now she goes around the hhouse talking to her daughters about how i'm a free-loader and i have been taking advantage of her. that rele hurts.
i now have two weeks to get a job and start paying rent or i'm out on the streets. i'm going down to the DMV to get a california ID today and it should take about thirty days for them to mail it to me. If you know anything about getting a job then you know that i must have an ID in order to get a job, or a $110 passport that i don't have the money to buy, and if you are any good at math you know that thirty days is longer that two weeks. If i wasn't still in highschool i would have already moved to Palm Desert, California where my boyfriend/fiance is waiting for me.
As it is i'm not going to be graduating because i am failing three classes. i am going to be attending adult school as soon as this semester is over.


Email to Dylan 5-10-08
"i'm pretty sure u have sensed that something has been going on so i thought i'd get u up to date. i relle wish that i could call and talk to u again, those times were rele nice.
well, i moved up to crestline on thursday with my friend doug. he is a 62 year old man that will be spiritually adopting me in july. a close family friend and a memeber of my lodge family. i am continuing to go to school and i am going to begin working on my senior project again that i may pass my english class with naranjo. i am learning a new way of life and beginning to find out who i really am without the influences of others. when r u comming to visit? i went job searching up here on the mountian today and have like 6 applications to fill out and return tomorrow. i got into some rele bad stuff at the last place i was at. i didn't know that she was practicing black magic and trying to take a hold of me. my lodge family helped me take care of that. and the last thing; i broke up with alex tonight"

before all that happened i had stopped going to school b/c i was planning to drop out in the last semester of my senior year... as of this point shcool is over, i only failed twoo classes and i can make those up in alternative ed starting july 7th.

When i broke up with alex i didn't get a chance to talk to him about it, things were kinda complicated and i don't wanna go into it on myspace but i tried calling the one time i could and he didn't answer. i felt uncomfortable talking to the answering machine. i wish i had gotten the chance to try to have him not hate me like he does. i will definately be calling him on the 10th when the month is up. trying to salvage the friendship we somewhat had
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Well since then i recieved an email from alex saying he was sorry and that he wanted to be friends again. i cried alot while reading that message because it was alot easier when he had hated me. i replied to the message even though my friend danny told me not to, but i didn't allow myself to get sucked back into his drama. i simply told him i couldn't do this.....
after breaking up with alex i got with Michal but that only lasted about a month, i started to get annoyed with everything he said and did. when i broke up with him my dad once again said i needed to be single and i tried.. the thing with trying is it gives me an excuse to fail. so in less than a week i ended up hooking up with Devin, a guy i had met at work and had been hanging out with for about a week. we went out for two months before i ended up in the BMC (a psyche ward). he came to see me every day and even broke his favorite and only car doing so. he did bring that up when i broke up with him. at the time i didn't know y i was breaking up with him and i even told him so, i just knew i wasn't happy. i think the real reason was b/c i didn't feel comfortable telling him i loved him while i was liking danny... well less than a week after devin i hooked up with danny and then we started going out a few days later.
i told devin he was playing with fire b4 we even got together, i feel so bad for what i do to the guyz i love. i fall in love with them and they me, then i break their heart. it makes me feel like some kind of horrible person that uses men for her own pleasure and then gets rid of them when she gets bored... i thought about that and actually considered it because it seemed to fit... that i only enjoy the chase and when things get secure, i get bored. that made me feel even worse.... but i wasn't always like that, i was with alex for over a year and george for six months. sometimes i wonder if it's b/c of what george did that i can't seem to stay in a relationship.
each and every time i get with sum1 i am now scared that i will hurt them and inevitably end up doing so. i know i want to be happy but not at the expense of everyone else.



 

Dec. 30th, 2007

dark

tomorrow

my birthday is the day after tomorrow but only harrison will be staying over for the sleepover. LBC hadn't even asked her mom until today in which she said no and chantel wants to stay with her boyfriend's brothers while their mom goes off to Las Vegas to party just cuz she's going through a divorce now. oops, that sounded kinda cold hearted. i don't mean to be that way it just sucks that only one person is comming to my 18th birthday party. kayla hasn't even called me back or anything. i have called her 4 times over break and gotten no response. i wonder if she will continue to be this way even after we get back to school. that would suck cuz she was a rele good friend. Dillon can't come cuz his parents won't let him, they won't even let us hang out at all over this break. i think they might even be purposefully not letting him go to church just so that he can't c me. that rele sucks too.
on a happier note harrison and i went to see the golden compas today and it was rele good. we have also been watching alot of deathnote so that we will hopefully get me through all the 37 episodes before he has to go home. i think we started somewhere around episode 10 oor so and now we are on 27... only 10 more to go!!   
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